I don’t know where to start..
Maybe I’ll start with how and why I’ve decided to write this post – which will probably be a little bit personal.
I was supposed to go hiking today. I’ve planned the route, booked the train tickets and all. But I woke up this morning with million thoughts rushing through my brain – thoughts from ‘what to eat for dinner’ to ‘where I wanna be in 6 months from now’.
It’s been a rough week, both emotionally and physically.
I had some difficult conversations at work – which made me question whether I see myself there in 3 or 6 months time. See, I value directness and honesty – and absolutely cannot stand office politics.
It’s funny how 5-minute conversation can change your head and heart. I’m still not sure how I feel about all that to be honest.
I realized I’m still not over a friendship that has fallen apart months ago. For many months since then, I thought it was my fault. Maybe it was, maybe it was on both of us. We just drifted away for a long time without realizing that.
This week, I did a personality test the results of which made me think about it again. And this time from an absolutely different angle. I suddenly realized how my personality type clashed with hers big time.
I always expect others to be honest and direct, tell me if they disagree with me. It never even crossed my mind that some people can be ‘people-pleasers’ and might find it difficult to do so.
That personality test made me look at situation from such different perspective for the first time since then. And I feel better about it now. Because I now know that nothing I could’ve done would have changed what’s happened. So, it is about time to let go.
Finally, I have been stupidly upset about something (or perhaps someone) who is clearly not worth it. My rational mind kept telling me it’s completely pointless to obsess and be upset about, but I just couldn’t help it.
Heartbreak is definitely one of those things that you cannot understand or even comprehend until it actually happens to you. And you know what, it doesn’t always have to be an intimate relationship or a long-term relationship to get your heart broken.
When it comes to big emotions, I am usually very rational and perhaps somewhat detached. Whatever the situation, my brain usually goes into ‘analyze’ mode and analyses the shit out of the situation without feelings involved.
It’s the virgo in me. I have always been proud of this ability of being able to move on very quickly when the situation wasn’t right for me.
This time shouldn’t have been any different. But it is. It is different, and I need to deal with it all, in my own time, at my own pace.
Something is definitely going on for me right now. My priorities are shifting big time.
Needless to say, what I’m looking for today is a lot different than ever before both in work-life and personal.
The older I get the more I appreciate people who are kind and honest about who they are, and what they want.
Time is so damn important. It’s precious and should never be wasted on someone who doesn’t make your heart scream, or a job that doesn’t set your soul on fire.
I know that letting go can be beautiful. I am still working on many things in my life. It’s far from perfect, but baby steps hey!
Some connections will drift apart, friendships fade, people will outgrow each other and that’s just how life is.
Whether it’s something in your past that made you happy, an emotional break-up that made you sad, or perhaps a city you live in no longer works for you – you need to let go – so better things can come into your life.
You will evolve and you will find your people and you will build relationships that will last longer than you could ever imagined.
So, let go.